In my previous blog I talked about how often people have sex. Now I’m throwing out some suggestions for how you can have more, and better, sex. None of this is rocket science – but you’d be surprised how many patients I see who just assume there’s nothing they can do, and don’t bother thinking about some basic steps they might take.

The first thing to consider is what might be getting in the way of sex. It could be a lot of things. Maybe the woman isn’t getting lubricated enough to make sex enjoyable. That, in turn, could be due to something physical, such as hormonal changes, or something behavioral, such as the male not engaging in enough foreplay and wanting to “get going” too quickly. Other reasons for a middling sex life include: fatigue, mismatched sexual preferences, unresolved emotional conflicts, erectile difficulties, and medication-induced sexual dysfunction (i.e. retarded orgasm caused by an antidepressant).

If you’d like more, and better, sex – try to pinpoint what might be going wrong. If you think there’s a physical issue or an issue related to a medication, talk to your doctor. You might be able to switch to a medication with a different side-effect profile, or you could try a medication that could facilitate sex (i.e. an erection-enhancing pill, or a medication to slow down premature ejaculation). If there’s some emotional conflict going on, then you’ll need to work on that, either by simply talking about it or, if you’re feeling stuck, with the help of a counselor or therapist.

No matter what might be going on, you’ll be doing yourself, and your sex life, a favor by getting some exercise. Exercise can increase testosterone levels, reduce stress, increase energy (if not done to excess), and keep you in good shape, all of which can boost sex. Get enough sleep, too – most of us are actually sleep-deprived, and nothing kills sex faster than exhaustion. Dousing yourself with caffeine to counteract sleepiness isn’t a good idea, by the way. Caffeine is a vaso-constrictor – that means it causes blood vessels to tighten down. That’s the opposite of what you need for a good male or female sexual response; both sexes require the blood vessels feeding the penis or clitoris to relax and open up.

This is a big subject! I can’t do justice to it here, though you can read a lot more in my book, “Size Matters.
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